I'm holding me up

Ok so yesterday the summit ended and he texted me his goodbye. I wanted to c him b4 he left, I wanted him to hug me. But he didn't and I know that was 4 the best. I really do. Friday night we talked face to face and I told him how I felt and he told me how he felt. That was good b/c I had to get what I was feeling out. One comment he made really got to me though

He said, "I restored his faith in Women."

Well who cares I aint the woman u choose. I think I was suppose to take that comment as a compliment but I really didn't care.

U know how u have that picture of the perfect man 4 u, well he was it.
So getting to the whole point y I wrote this post is b/c I text my bestfriend and told her how I was feeling and she texts me back the real deal.

Now I don't know abt any1 else but I have friends that tell me the truth no matter what. Those are the kind of friends I have to have.

Well she broke it down 4 me. She basically said that I can't move forward without shutting the door on my past. So True matter of fact her and I have had this conversation many of times and what she was talking abt was the fact that I haven't filed for my divorce yet. I have been separated from my former husband for 7 years. I know I know ur probably wondering Y? So am I lol, but really I just haven't.

Let me clear up ur thoughts. No we r not still n love w/each other. In fact we don't even like each other (that's a whole other post). Just neither of us have filed. WOW. Writing this makes me feel dumb.

Now I believe everything n the bible so I know what the Word says about this and I know what the Holy Spirit has told me on several occasions abt getting my divorce. So like my friend said I'm the only one holding up my blessing. I believe God does everything n decency and order. There I've said it.

I'm holding me up!!!

Ok no more of me blogging abt what I've missed out on b/c I have been the cause of me missing a blessing.

This journey aint easy y'all and it took I guy that I desired to be w/to get married to some1 else for me to fully understand what God's been tryin to tell me all along. I hear U loud and clear Lord.

Sooooo another lesson learned n this class called Life...I hope I don't 4get it!
Sent on the Now Network� from my Sprint® BlackBerry

Wooooo (deep breath now)

i let him read what i wrote about him. i think it satisfied my desire to tell him everything i was feelin and not have to verbally say it. We agreed b4 he read it not to talk about it. He began reading and i left the room. Maybe i was having a selfish moment. Who knows. I really am happy for him. He truly deserves it and I just need to leave it at that. Honestly, I much rather be married then single. I desire a mate but I also want the one that is completely right for me. I'll wait. I trust God. Maybe its just the fact that it's not me getting married. Oh by the way I want to talk to him now lol

feeling weird

ok here i am at this youth summit and it is really strange. A guy that i used to date and once was very close to i have just seen. Here is the kicker him and I have remained friends even though we stopped dating a couple years back. And we are good friends. I have always been able to talk to him about anything. Ok bringing you current, He found a girl fell in love with her and now they are in engaged. WOOOO (me taking a deep breath) I am genuinely happy for him. He is a great guy not One complaint!!!!! I just hate it isn't me! Selfish yeah i know but it's the truth. I know she is a great woman and he deserves all the happiness in the world but being this close to him makes me wanna cry and scream, WHY DIDN'T YOU CHOOSE ME!!!!!! I'm just bein real. Anyway, since I found out he was engaged I have removed his number from my phone and I don't call him for anything...not even to just say hi. I respect his decision and his future wife and I needed to remove the temptation. We have agreed to just hangout after dinner. No not in his room I choose an open area but i so want to tell him that how devastated I was when i found out. But i won't. Typin this really helped me get this off my chest and I am ok now.

On another note I began reading this book titled: You're Broke Because You Want To Be. What a great read and a good kick in the butt for ME!!!! Man God knows exactly what you need when you need it. I'm tired of being broke it's got to stop. And that starts with me.

Our Singles class at church is off the chain lol. Really it is. Everyone in the class enjoys it. I am really learning and growing but most important God is healing me through this class. It's crazy I didn't know I had all this residue left from previous relationships. The most important thing i'm learning is how to be whole as a Single woman. Wow I could talk about God and what he is doing in my life all night long but i have to go back into this dinner banquet. I'll update later. Holla lol

Let's Get this thing started

Ok I finally completed set-up of my blog and I'm excited. I thing the idea of blogging is great. I always have a lot to say lol. I'll be saying whatever I want cause this is A blog ALL ABOUT ME!!!! Well gotta get ready 4 tomorrow. I'll be mobile blogging so STAY TUNED!!!!